2025-06-01_Demi_Johns

Salix vs DemiJohns on 2025-06-01 at Barn Elms (Season 2025)

• • Result: DRAW
  • Game Type: Timed Game

• Salix: 261 for 8 wickets declared 
• Demi Johns: 188 for 7 wickets 
• (Salix Batted First)
• View Match scorecard in a new tab

 

 

 

Report by Sai

Ball by ball report

Rendezvous time was ten-to-twelve. Location. Sir Geoff’s house. Memorandum; Don’t Be Late.

As I pulled up to Sir Geoff’s house for 11.50am, Chetan (nickname pending) was nowhere to be seen. At precisely 12pm, we decided to politely enquire as to the whereabouts of Mr Chetan Shetty. “2 mins away” was the reply. At 12.15pm, Chetan confirmed he was struggling to find door number 52. After determining the colour and make of his car – White Honda CRV – the reason for his struggles became evident, as we spotted that Chetan had parked himself down the road outside door number 25.

“Didn’t Chetan do a PhD?” Questioned Geoff.

“I don’t think it was numerology” I replied.

As it turned out, it certainly wasn’t a PhD in driving either.

A recent conqueror of the challenging-for-some UK Driving Test and having already mastered the erratic and always chaotic roads of India – Chetan had surprisingly opted to follow Geoff’s car, due to feeling nervous about navigating the more organised and orderly roads of England on his own.

After signalling towards Chetan to follow us, Geoff, sped around the corner down a road, conscious that we were already behind on time. However, the White Honda CRV was nowhere to be seen in the rear-view mirror. We managed to coerce Chetan into following us via another phone call, but soon realised that there was a far greater problem.

There are two different types of drivers; there are drivers who take the rules of the road into their own hands & there are drivers who strictly abide by the rules of the road. Chetan safely falls into the latter category, because 20mph actually means 20mph, even with no speed cameras insight for 20 miles.

“We can’t do 20mph all the way to Barnes, we won’t make it to the game before tea,” cried Geoff.

Thus, a joint decision was made to inform our comrade that we would have to abandon the initial plan and instead leave Chetan to the mercy of his cars inbuilt sat-nav, google maps and maybe even the ancient A. to Z. Street Atlas.

Speaking of Tea. A quick check of the Salix WhatsApp group left me wonderstruck. We had heard whispers of a supposed tea being organised by CK’s wife – Nadisha Acca (Acca meaning Sister in Tamil). My stomach growled with delight, as we feasted our eyes on the menu that had just been released by CK. The Salix Tea was once-upon-a-time, very much a regular and thoroughly enjoyed experience for many Salixites. This had gradually been annihilated and culled. A culinary extinction that followed the announcement of Smutty as Chairman. Mourned by many, especially Geoff. This particular Salix Tea, appeared very different. Careful analysis of the menu of this resurrected Salix Tea, I imagined myself having Afternoon Tea at the Fairmont. The menu was so enticing that even Skinny Yov was prepared to renounce his diet, throw complete disregard to the strict instructions from his PT and openly declare that he was potentially making an appearance. Geoff being very fond of the very elusive and hard to come by Salix Tea, proceeded to put his foot down on the accelerator. Chetan had officially been abandoned.

Arriving at Barnes on time at 1.15pm, we were greeted by a large proportion of our team, who were already changed and raring to go. The Demijohns captained by the traitorous Arsey, had won the toss and put Salix into Bat. It was to be a timed game, which was unusual considering our faithfulness to the 35 over format of the game, similar to Ruben Amorim sticking by his 3-4-2-1 formation.

As predicted, Chetan who was a master of Indian roads, was nowhere to be seen. After turning up at the wrong place – somehow managing to find beach volleyball match in London and then being redirected to the correct location – he eventually did make the game.

Out strode our Captain TFC alongside Geoff – our opening pair for today game. Watched on by his very good “Friend from university” & his “Godson”, TFC immediately set about on the opposition bowling attack with some fine stroke play, aided by Geoff who was crashing the ball around to the boundary, which makes me question; Is he now more Chris Gayle than Geoffrey Boycott? It should also be noted that TFC managed to broker a deal with lady luck, after being dropped on 4, gifting an absolute dolly of catch to the fielder, which was survived. Clive Lloyd, the West Indian icon, would often say “Catches win matches” and I couldn’t agree more; this was a big moment in the game.

TFC and Geoff, kept their cool and proceeded to rapidly build a solid foundation on a glorious, sunny and pleasant day in Barnes. Before long, Salix had reached 50 runs off only 6 overs, for no loss. A furious pace was being set and balls were sent crashing over the boundary with ease. Spirits were high on the side-lines and the rest of Salixites watched on admirably.

In the 11th over, after a very aesthetically pleasing 81 run partnership, the DJs managed to snare their first victim. It was Geoff. Geoff has a knack of getting a good start and giving away his wicket through aggressive stroke play and this day was to be no different. A wider delivery tempted Geoff into playing a shot, with the ball catching the edge and firing, quick and low into the slip cordon, presenting the DJs with a chance. The slip fielder obliged by diving low and snaring the trick opportunity. Geoff putting together a well-crafted 31 and still left seeking his first half century; which will no doubt arrive in the future, with only a little more patience and calm. This now meant, the safest driver in the world, was due at the crease and before he could even put his seatbelt on – Chetan had played a surprisingly aggressive shot – which had led to a top edge and the ball rocketing up into the air.

“Runnnn Chet, Runnnn, Runn Chet” shouted TFC.

Chet did not Run. TFC was now staring Chet right in the face down the other end of the wicket. To the relief of TFC, the oppo comfortably took the catch, putting an end to the possibility of all the drama that would have ensued had there been a drop.

Salix had got themselves into a bit of a pickle – 2 quickfire wickets and the DJs has dragged themselves back into this seemingly one-sided game – the game now precariously poised at 82-2 in the 11th over.

Cometh the man, cometh Daveski. Salixites have been treated to 28 seasons of Daveski. A joy to behold. Not just with his batting, but his running, fielding and general banter. Daveski is the complete package as a cricketer. A classy teammate, adored by Sky News and the minority interested in International Trade Policy In Europe & Brexit Global Trade Political Economy.

The newly formed partnership of TFC & Daveski managed to steady the ship. Daveski refusing to score for 9 balls before being ordered by the skipper to play shots, which resulted in some eye catching legside boundaries and TFC just smashing boundaries all over the ground. A repetitive pattern that was keenly spotted and brought to the fore by TeenWolf.

“Oh – Dave – can bat” confirmed Tuffers.

We all nodded in agreement. For Dave could bat. The pioneer of the backward trigger movement – which I’m certain will very shortly be seen on the international stage, being utilised by inspired youthful professionals, such as Vaibhav Suryavanshi, Rocky Flintoff & Mitch Owen.

Fletchy, who also happens to be my Archery Master, very kindly invited me down for a round of Target Shooting (his new hobby). After promising Fletchy that I wouldn’t kill anyone with a shooting club rifle and also confirming I was still in a relationship (much to Fletchy’s surprise)-  my attention was brought back to the game and the consistent stroke play of Rajborg.

TFC very casually marched onto to his 50. An almost expectant outcome these days, when the skipper pads up.

“He makes it looks so easy” admired Geoff.

TFC does make batting look very easy, when some do quite well to make batting appear incredibly difficult. When TFC turns up in the mood and gets going, he certainly does swager around the crease like Sir Viv Richards, the maroon helmet playing its part in bringing back memories of watching Sir Viv highlights on YouTube.

The ball soon began to soften, making it extremely difficult to play the ball beyond the inner circle or to the boundary with any lofted shots, made even more difficult by some very tricky, slow bowling from the DJs. Despite the departure of Daveski, shelling out to a DJs fielder after putting together an important 17, Skipper Raj continued to march on unperturbed.

Daveski was congratulated back to the pavilion and remarked that the bowling was incredibly slow & we all know the bowling must indeed be very slow, if Daveski says so.

“It’s a bit like fletchy bowling, but less flight” quipped Smutty.

Oh, how the newer members of Salix would love for AI to recreate the bowling of the legendary Fletchy – who had popped down to watch with Sarah.

Krutik who bears a stunning resemblance to the legendary Rohit Sharma, suddenly had a huge grin on his face and questioned whether your columnist’s bowling was any quicker than what was being bowled on the field by the oppo, to which your correspondent scoffed in disbelief – “of course it is”. Some may disagree with this, as we will find out later.

In trudged CK to forge another partnership with TFC. CK with some very classy and tidy sweeping that helped the score along and TFC steering his way to a very convincing century, before starting to unload a plethora of very huge sixes, that eventually led to his dismissal for a mammoth 130.

At one point, it did look like TFC would be on for a double century, finally admonishing the 175 runs of horrific child abuse administered by Portly Yov onto the child bowlers of Aston Rowant, which triggered an investigation by UNICEF. TFC, however, decided to leave this to another day.

Andy “TeenWolf” Spurr was next in and after attempting to replicate his feat of blasting 39 runs in a over – seen during the first game of season – contributed 17 runs before hitting out to find a DJs fielder.

Ironically, despite the DJs plea for players midweek, it was actually Salix that ended up turning up to the game one short. This brought about discussion of Chetan potentially returning to bat again due to his 4-ball duck, unless someone could beat this.

“Just go hard the first three balls” advised Spurry

All excitement was extinguished by Skipper Raj, who had masterminded plans for a strategic declaration at 40 overs. The instructions were very clear from TFC, there was absolutely no need to pad up for the likes of Dils and myself, especially with Rohit and Deepak still to bat.

Rohit entered the fray and quickly got to work with some well-timed shots, aided by CK who continued to find the boundary with regular ease. CK eventually falling for a very respectable 37.

With only two overs remaining until the 40 over mark, my eyes caught Skipper Raj, who looked at me and gestured like a caring father, whether I would like to pad up. I should have refused, but in my excitement, I gleefully accepted and ran off to the pavilion.

“Never seen you run this fast,” laughed Geoff.

The burst of energy and the sprint had taken its toll, I had reached the notorious coffin, but I was exhausted.

In the meantime, the silent assassin, Deepak strode to the crease, a gentleman who has not been sighted since the memorable tour of Zagreb in Croatia last year. Had he been busy batting in the nets, spending his time, perfecting his craft, fine tuning the art of batting? After a four and single, Deepak managed to get himself caught.

Meanwhile, whilst blocking the outside entrance to the pavilion, your reporter had just about managed to throw on the pads and the all-important arm guard. There were 4 balls left. Breathing heavily like a patient suffering from Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, I made my way to middle. Would I listen to the advice of TeenWolf and go hard the first three balls or would I play it safe to take the single to give Krutik the strike, who had played himself in? The answer was neither; as the ball crashed into the stumps first ball. A second duck in only two games. Oh, the embarrassment and when will this agony end.

Skipper Raj, who was rolling with laughter alongside the rest of the team, brought an end to the innings. He’d seen enough. 261 for 8 wickets off 39.3 overs.

After consulting with our resident numerology professor, Chetan, it was confirmed that the DJs would need 262 to win.

The Salix tea was a marvel to behold. Sri Lankan Spiced Potato wraps infused with Kafir Lime. Cheese sandwiches with coriander and green chillies. A wide array of cakes – Chocolate, Almond & Lemon. There is only one word to describe the above. Suhhh (Suhhh is a Tamil slang word – often used as an expression of delight, wonder or bewilderment. Tamil being the oldest known language still widely used and spoken in the world today). A big thank you to Nadisha Acca, for lovingly providing us with a very much appreciated tea, that was thoroughly enjoyed not only by all of Salix but also by all of the Demijohns too.

After leaving a scene of devastation and destruction at the site of our tea, reminiscent of a tsunami. It was time to return to the field, to try and win a game of cricket. Salix had put themselves into a very strong position, but now needed to take 10 Demijohn wickets, in order to taste the spoils of victory.

TeenWolf was instructed to open the bowling at one end, with Deepak to stride in from the other. Ferocious speed from TeenWolf and tactful swing from Delilah is what followed. TeenWolf debuted a new weapon from his armoury of variations. The “No Grunt Slower Ball”. A delivery forged using wisdom and intellect, without an utter of sound, giving the batsman no clue of what was coming – a slower ball.

Pads were hit & appeals were dismissed by opposition captain and our regular, usual ally Arsey, who was standing in as Umpire. Arsey is definitely an expert at consuming cold pizzas, his ability to grind his teeth on cricket tours whilst on a night out is legendary, his ability to chase down a cricket ball to the boundary before kicking it over for 4 is a work of art, his ability to exploit individuals with a lesser IQ to part with their hard earned cash as a hedge fund manager is skilful, his ability to hide his vast wealth by driving a mini cooper is masterful; but his expertise at umpiring is most certainly questionable. Krutik is a stumping machine and was again hell bent on getting his customary stumping in this game. Over and over again, he collected the ball before hitting the stumps with his cheeky throws, attempting to catch the wandering batsmen out of their crease. Each appeal, grew louder and carried more conviction, but Arsey, who was stood almost 20m away at Square Leg Umpire, dismissed all that came his way. To be fair, your reporter was stood in covers and they were all very tight calls. Impossible to call correctly, without the use of video technology.

One of the DJs openers looked very assured and kept striding down the pitch to negate the swing of Delilah. The other opener however found himself pinned at the crease, the ball crashing into his pads, following a rapid delivery from TeenWolf, leaving the Umpire no choice but to raise his finger. Salix had struck. The DJs were 6 for 1.

In the following over, Delilah managed to put some pressure onto the new batsman with some very consistent line and length bowling. This led to the new batsman hitting out, with a very powerful shot through the offside, straight into the covers, where your reporter was conveniently placed by Skipper Raj. The ball sped like a demon, looking like it was about to dip last minute. Flashes of having to accept another Lurpak raced through my mind and as I put my hands down towards the ball. It had stuck. My hands were ringing, but Delilah had struck and the pain seemed to disappear whilst Salix huddled to celebrate another wicket in the middle. 7 for 2 off 5 overs.

The DJs were in serious trouble but managed to somehow hobble to 29 for 2. A few lucky edges from the new left-hand batsman repeatedly flying past 3rd slip, helping their cause.

After seven overs on the bounce, 3 maidens and some very probing bowling; TeenWolf was given a rest. On came Tuffers with his deadly legspin. It didn’t take long for Dils to get find his length, troubling the batsman. CK chirped from the slips, encouraging Tuffers to deliver the “other one”, which no doubt crept into the batsman’s mind. A few balls later, Dils delivered a ball with some turn and revs, that crashed into the stumps. Clean bowled. A wicket in his first over. The DJs were 30 for 3 off 15 overs.

Having been asked to bowl at the other end to relieve Delilah, your reporter came onto bowl. It seemed to come out nicely from the start. With one delivery, enticing the opening batsman down the track, enabling Krutik to gather and collect his well-deserved stumping. As we huddled in the middle to celebrate, a philosophical debate erupted to much laughter, as Salix questioned the validity and existence of a Saiborg quicker ball. 2 wickets in 2 overs. The DJs were 32-4 off 16 overs. Could this be a complete destruction of the Demijohns by Salix. Only 6 more wickets were required to win the game.

Runs began to flow for the DJs with some boundaries, before yours truly, clean bowled the new batsman to leave the DJs, 52 for 5 off 18 overs. The win was on. Only 5 more wickets.

The DJs wicketkeeper was determined to see out a draw. With fortification on his mind, he began to play some lovely sweeps, with his partner at the other end, being more of a power hitter. After 5.30pm there were only 20 over allowed to be bowled. Salix did manage to create some chances, finding the edge with no slip in place, a few shots that went up into the air into no man’s land and some strong appeals with the batsman appearing to edge the ball behind to the keeper; but luck seemed to be stubborn on this day and not in the mood for anymore love.

TFC proceeded. to bring back TeenWolf after a well-deserved rest, in the hope of buying a wicket and even handed the ball to Chetan, in the hope that he may have a PhD in Bowling To Win A Game of Cricket.

“What does he bowl” pondered Krutik.

“Off Spin” replied Dils confidently.

Chetan then proceeded to mark out a 6 step run-up, before gracefully gliding in, to deliver a ball that was not off-spin, at very reasonable pace, gathered luckily by Krutik before it hit his face, as he was stood up to the stumps. Krutik and his slips very wisely took many steps back, as Chetan steamed in to produce a rapid spell of seam bowling. The pair of DJ batsman, however, stood their ground and managed to keep their nerve to hit the odd boundary and keep alive their dreams of saving the game. Chetan managed to create numerous chances, which were customarily dropped by the Salix field, before finally managing to induce the batsman into a mistimed shot, which resulted in an inside edge and the stumps clattering. A well-deserved wicket in the end for Chetan, who proved that he can be a handy weapon for the captain to call upon, when it comes to bowling options. The DJs were now 131 for 6 off 32 overs.

With two overs left to bowl. Skipper Raj brought back Dils and myself. The batsmen were in a mood to hit out, which led to some chaos in the field, with balls being hit high, hard and far. In the end, Geoff ran from his fielding position in the covers all the way to mid-off to comfortably take a very difficult catch and give your correspondent his third wicket. DJs were 181-7. The match was brought to an end by a boundary from the DJs; the result a well fought Draw. Maybe on another day, Salix could have gone on to claim the win.

A great overall showing from Salix, with some lovely batting from Raj (TFC), Ali (Geoff) & Christy (CK), well supported by cameos from David (Daveski), Andy (TeenWolf) & Krutik (Rohit), enabling us to set a tough target, which almost certainly took the option of a win, away from the DJs. The intensity in the field, was there from the very start and was still evident towards the end of game, with great contributions from David, Dils (Tuffers), Andy, Ali & Chetan. As usual, Krutik kept wicket behind the stumps with minimal fuss and dealt with some thunderbolts with relative ease. In the bowling department, there were great spells of bowling from Andy, Deepak (Delilah), Dils, CK & Chetan, which nearly gave us the win. Not to mention, the consistent great captaincy from the talismanic Rajborg, who marked his upcoming birthday with a fantastic ton. Many happy returns of the day.

A big thank you to DJs for being very respectable and worthy opponents. It is always a joy to play them every year. Many thanks to Nadisha Acca for laying on a scrumptious Tea and to Fletchy, Sarah & Tim, for making the effort to travel down, in order to provide us with some support.

Looking forward to the next game, where we can aim to continue our good form, against our arch rivals – The Whalers.

Much Love

Saiborg

P.S. After the game, Geoff had to drive to South London to his family, which meant I had to grab a lift with Chetan. We are still currently driving safely back to North West London.