2025-06-22_Not_The_MCC

Salix vs Not The MCC on 2025-06-22 at Wandsworth Common (Season 2025)

Report by Sai

£70. Seventy British pounds. Seventy Pounds Sterling. It can buy you numerous things. For example; a few rounds on a boozy night out with your mates, lunch for 1 at many of London’s acclaimed Michelin Star Restaurants or as Salix CC found out for the second week in a row; a day’s hire of a council cricket pitch at Wandsworth Common.

Cricket pitches maintained by councils, can be a fascinating place to play our beloved game of cricket. For one, they aren’t as aesthetically pleasing to the eye, as your typical Barnes Elms, Winchmore Hill or Coleshill Pitches; grounds that Salixites have grown accustomed to over the years. Barnes Elms carries vibes of being the Selfridges of grounds, Winchmore Hill can be compared to Waitrose, Coleshill to Lidl & Wandsworth Common to a Pound shop. The council cricket pitches of Wandsworth Common can certainly have a mind of their own, resulting in chaos for some players, but a welcome challenge to others.

“I enjoy the challenge and difficulty of playing on these type of pitches” exclaimed Chetan aka The Professor, as we made our way to Wandsworth Priso…Common.

As I looked at Chetan in shock, a thought crossed my mind; I’d much rather prefer leaving a cricket pitch very much with my life still intact. A morbid story about a fatality caused by one of these council pitches lives long and strong in the memory; the ball unexpectedly striking a player in the chest due to the variable bounce, leading to a collapse and subsequent myocardial infarction, which very sadly ended his life. A story that was repeated to Hadi, which convinced him to wear a helmet, albeit for 3 balls, in last week’s game against the Gents.

The variable and unpredictable bounce on these council pitches, can also often leave 60mph bowlers looking like more Shoaib Akhtar or Brett Lee, with batsman ducking and weaving to avoid balls pitched on a good length flying through at head height. Some deliveries have the audacity to keep very low on exactly the same length too, often leaving batsmen with bewildered or puzzled looks on their faces.

As Chetan and myself pulled up to Wandsworth Common, we were greeted by Geoff and his mini-bus of daughters; who had come along with his wife to drop him off to the game. After quickly convincing his three young daughters to play for Salix in the future, and gathering Deepak & Mikey, we all made our way towards CK, who we had spotted on Pitch 2 (Pitch 1 – which we had used the previous week, was already in use with two teams already in the midst of a game).

Wandsworth Common can appear a very odd and confusing place, for one there seems to be only one entrance to gain entry into the ground, which left our team hurdling fences, like a bunch of well-trained Olympic equestrian stallions. High-rise council flats tower over the pitch on one end, whilst at the other end; rows of elegant streets sit lined with picturesque houses and an artisan bakery can be found just around the corner.

Today was a debut for two players; a rare father and son combination, barely witnessed since the glory days of Ben & Irwin Sarif taking stride together onto the field. Saioviyan Raveendran (Jonty/SJ) & his father; Pasupathy Raveendran (Ravi) were the two gentlemen that I had managed to recruit from my regular Tabla playing and singing sessions at Bhajans on Thursdays (not to be mistaken for Budgens – the shop).

After the announcement of Jonty in the starting line-up on the Salix WhatsApp group, your correspondent had received a private message on WhatsApp…

“Does Jonty bowl/bat? Or just field South African style” queried Geoff.

Well, you’ll definitely have to put all your work aside for the moment, and read on to find out…

Today also happened to be the debut of Rohit (or should I say Shubman) as Salix Captain, in the absence of TFC, who was busy attending a rap concert.

At 13.30hrs, our pre-determined start time, we were still missing three players; Jonty, Ravi and our previous weeks debutant; Shyam Shetty (nickname pending). Not to be confused with Sham (Shamos); which was indeed pointed out to both Geoff & CK. Nicknames can be a rather contentious topic, either happily embraced or disgustingly dismissed, once creatively thrown upon a player. CK declared that some nicknames can be boring, so he was immediately, very politely reminded about his alternative nickname that was administered to him by Yov – Siya (meaning Grandad in Sinhalese).

Wandsworth Common on a Sunday really does resemble a Kindergarten – there are Kids everywhere. Toddlers at Birthday parties. Infants undergoing football and cricket coaching. Babies in day care groups. Children running onto the field of play like they don’t understand how hard a cricket ball is (which I guess they probably don’t) & parents really not giving the slightest care in the world.

Our Mikey, was even approached by a very young toddler who very lovingly shouted;

“Daddy, daddy!!! Daddy daddy!!!”

I pondered for second, whether this may be one of Mikey’s many illegitimate children, conceived abroad on one of the many historic Salix tours that I had not been present on. Was this a toddler who had journeyed far and wide, with the sole aim of discovering the truth about his paternal genes? Was this kid about to discover why he was a natural at bowling Left Arm Spin and quite adept at carrying a bat?

The fairy tale reunion was quite brutally extinguished in an instant, as Mikey replied, like the Anti-Darth Vader;

“No, I am not your father!!!”

We should probably get back to the actual reason why you all started reading this match report in the first place; namely the cricket and we’ll begin with the toss. A pre-match battle of skills or luck, that was won by Rohit, who immediately declared that we were to Bat first.

Rohit had previously opened the batting with TFC in the last two previous games, but showed a glimpse of what may come with any future change in regime, by voluntarily demoting himself and simultaneously promoting CK to open the batting with Geoff. Rohit refused to shy away from making any tough and difficult decisions either, by declaring that any late comers would be dropped down the order. News that caused panic to our debutants, who had still not arrived yet.

After some throw downs to warm up the opening pair; they heroically marched out into the middle of a pretty dire cricket pitch on a pleasant and warm, sunny day on Wandsworth Common.

Our opposition were Not The MCC. Discussions were had on the sidelines as to how this name had come to fruition, before a theory was put forward, suggesting it was due to the absence of a waiting list to join, to which everyone nodded in agreement.

The opening bowlers for Not The MCC, were a rather tall gentleman and a rather young boy. CK and Ali played themselves cautiously into the game and were soon comfortably dealing with the variable bounce and unpredictable nature of an abysmal pitch; managing to get their bat down to any balls that kept low or avoiding any balls that popped up looking to give the batsmen some chin music.

Focus on this pitch was very important, and CK got himself into the zone, by unleashing a flurry of three consecutive boundaries, which inspired Geoff to join the party by adding a four of his own.

Our opening pair were communicating well and running very nicely between the wickets, which helped build the score nicely to 54 for no loss off 8 overs.

The rest of the Salix team admired gleefully from base camp and were quite often distracted by what sounded like a Lamborghini accelerating down the dual carriageway which bordered Wandsworth Common, only to discover that it was in fact a Two-Wheeler with a modified exhaust, being driven by a  Deliveroo Driver performing a wheelie.

Your correspondent soon joined the middle to umpire alongside Rohit, which provided relief to the opening umpires. This was a great opportunity to see the hard work that CK & Geoff were putting in at close quarters.

Teenwolf had managed to break his regular bat and was wondering around padded up, trying to find a teammate kind enough to offer up their precious wood for him to use. Your correspondent very kindly agreed to lend Teenwolf his bat, after being unable to say turn down the puppy eyes on show. Was I worried for my bat? A little nervous, I must admit, as Teenwolf can be a very quick accumulator of runs, but a sacrifice must be made for victory, so the risk was worth taking.

Not The MCC, struggled to create any clear-cut chances, other than the odd LBW appeal that were all dismissed due to the delivery having gone down leg or missing the stumps because of height. CK and Geoff now looking very comfortable and well set in the middle, with the partnership beginning to flourish.

However, a devious ball that pretty much “pee rolled” onto the stumps, led to the demise of Geoff, who had carefully crafted together a well-made 23, which meant it was time for The Professor to make his way to the crease. The score, 88 for 1 off 15 overs.

Enroute to the game in the car, The Professor had declared that he really enjoyed batting and playing cricket with CK, a statement which made me think there may be an opportunity for a potential Bollywood version of Brokeback Mountain. Coupled to the fact that The Professor enjoyed batting on substandard pitches, this surely felt like a dream come true for him, which he absolutely confirmed in style, by getting off the mark with an enormous six.

CK marched on with his new partner, The Professor, also adding to the fireworks. Balls now being dispatched to all parts of the ground. Rohit and myself having to regularly signal fours or sixes to the scorers, which may have made up appear like we were performing a rendition of YMCA.

CK reached his Fifty before drinks, with the score sitting at 96 for 1 off 17 overs and then returned to pile on the runs, by continuing to bat intelligently with The Professor, who had now very ruthlessly started hitting even bigger sixes towards Cow Corner.

The runs flowed freely, with Salix now 141 for 1 off 21 overs. CK reaching a well-deserved century, which is his fourth century for Salix, before deciding to retire on 101 not out. It must be noted, that centuries for CK, seem to occur regularly these days, whenever he is presented with the opportunity to open the batting. A thought for TFC to ponder over, on his return.

Teenwolf’s eyes had now lit up. His wait had come to an end. He had been sat padded up from the very beginning of the innings and had been seen drifting around the periphery of the pitch, telling everyone and anyone who encountered him, that he had “never waited so long to bat having padded up”.  As it turned out, it was also the shortest that he batted whilst being padded up. A first ball duck, which left Teenwolf returning back to us with his head hung low. My bat was unblemished and unscathed, ready to live another day. A solitary lone walk, was the only remedy for a heartbroken Teenwolf, as he trudged away from our base camp.

Delilah wandered in to join Chet and crashed a four within a few balls. To the relief of everyone on Wandsworth Common, The Professor reached his fifty before being drawn out of the crease by a tempting delivery, that was swept up efficiently by the oppo keeper, who had removed the stumps without any hesitation. There was confusion that followed, as Smutty, who was standing at leg umpire, did not give a clear signal to give The Professor out, to what seemed, a very obvious stumping. The Professor, stood his ground looking towards Geoff, who was standing at Umpire and in solidarity with Smutty, Geoff offered no reaction either. However, in a great show of sportsmanship, The Professor entered into discussion with the oppo wicketkeeper, before starting to walk himself, later admitting that he knew it was an obvious stumping. Salix proving once again that they are upholders of fairness and protectors of the dying art of being a true gentleman. The Professor contributing a crucial 58 runs to our innings.

Out strode the stand-in skipper Rohit to join Delilah. Delilah added a few more singles before being bowled by the oppo for a grand total of 6. The score was 210 for 5 off 29 overs. In usual Salix style, players were now frantically running around trying to pad up as quickly as possible, in order to answer a potential call of duty.

Shyam was the next batsman in to join Rohit in the middle. The pair steadied the ship, whilst accelerating the score with plenty of boundaries to finally leave Salix with a score of 262 for 5 off 35 overs. A hefty total on such a challenging pitch, with Rohit finishing on 16 not out and Shyam leaving the pitch with 12 not out.

With such a large total, it seemed like an almost certain guaranteed victory for Salix, as long as our bowling was smart and we were able to bowl tight as a collective unit. Not The MCC would surely have to pray for one of the many regular passing flights overhead to crash into the pitch, to scupper any chance of victory.

With Teenwolf returning from self-imposed exile and discovering that he would be opening the bowling, the team headed out to try to secure victory. On the other end, Teenwolf would be supported by Ravi opening the bowling too on his debut.

Not The MCC had sent the elder of the two youngsters in their team to open the batting with a much wiser head – who turned out to be their star batsman.

The innings started well, Teenwolf bowling with some ferocity and accuracy, only giving a single run away off the first over. On the other end, Ravi bowled very intelligently and tidily, also giving away only a single run off his first over. Things were looking very promising. However, the second Teenwolf over, did not go quite to plan, as the elder Not The MCC batsman started playing his shots, which resulted in 4 boundaries being conceded in the over (this despite Teenwolf bowling a very aggressive pace and good line). Rohit, who was stood keeping behind the stumps as usual, glanced at the field and noticed a major issue. There were only 10 fielders on the pitch. Deepak had decided to take an extended lunch break and was wondering around the sidelines, oblivious to all the action happening in the middle. Perhaps Delilah had decided to test the astuteness of our new captain – Rohit replying by proving he was switched on.

Delilah returning to the field, did not influence a decrease in boundaries, as despite some tight bowling, we were very annoyingly still giving them away on a regular basis. This was due to the odd terrible ball, a great shot by the batsman or the shocking outfield, which left our fielders embarrassed, as they attempted to get behind the ball, only to see it pop up suddenly to avoid the long barrier and still make its way to the boundary. Geoff in particular, being the victim of some unfortunate last second ball movement in the outfield.

Both opposition batsmen, were looking relaxed and the younger of the two, was playing nicely, until an inspired bowling change from Rohit, led to the introduction Jonty/SJ & Mikey. Despite the lack of a hamstring, Mikey bowled very nicely by varying his flight and speed, which gave SJ on the other end the chance to strike with his first ever wicket for Salix. The younger batsman attempting to hit a wider delivery outside his off stump, which flew into the covers, to be devoured by CK, leaving the score at 80 for 1 off 13 overs. The young batsman departing for a well put together 25, which brought out a much senior looking batsman into the middle. Their main batsman bringing up his fifty, as the runs began to flow again.

Rohit decided to switch up the bowling, by bringing on Shyam and your correspondent. Shyam starting off a little rusty, leading to a few boundaries, before delivering a floater which tempted the new batsman to hit out towards the square leg boundary, where Geoff who is also a very competent footballer, was patiently waiting, taking the catch comfortably, using a very unique technique of using his chest to control the ball and secure the catch. The score, 118 for 2 off 18 overs.

With the new batsman to come in, there would be one more over before drinks, which was the first over for your reporter. Similar to Shyam, it took a few balls to shake off the rust, with one ball being hit to cow corner, but CK had mistakenly stepped in from the boundary, thinking that the batsman wouldn’t be able to hit that clean and far – the ball flying just over his head to reach the boundary.

Resuming drinks, Shyam who was beginning to get attacked by the batsman, was fortunate to escape injury after the batsman thumped one of his deliveries incredibly hard back towards him. An attempt to get a hand onto the ball, only succeeded in Shyam getting himself into the book for a dropped catch. One of the very harsh and unforgiving realities of playing cricket for Salix.

At the other end, I had managed to stem the flow of runs, as the ball started coming out nicely and the pitch was assisting with variable bounce, leading to the batsmen, not  really knowing which way the ball would turn. The resultant pressure, led to the vital wicket of their most dangerous batsman, who was finally dismissed – clean bowled for 75. Not The MCC were 139 for 3 off 22 overs. Mikey, with his Left Arm Spin from the other end, also chipped in, by clean bowling another batsman, for a well-deserved wicket to leave Not The MCC reeling.

Your writers fourth over brought even more success for Salix. The new batsman hitting out very aggressively, but not very far, looping high into the air towards mid-on where Teenwolf was lurking and Not The MCC were now 144 for 4.

The Law of the Universe kept providing its grace, as the new batsman did not have much time to settle either. The next few deliveries bowled by your correspondent were played cautiously, before one delivery was pushed sharply away towards the leg side; only managing to find Mikey at mid-wicket, who grabbed the ball with one hand. As confusion entered the minds of both batsman, who were trying to steal a cheeky single, Mikey immediately threw the ball towards the keeper’s end –  resulting in a direct hit and a run out. Some very quick reactions and thinking from Mikey had resulted in a moment of magic, which swayed the game heavily in the favour of Salix. Not The MCC had lost two wickets in a single over. As the youngest of the players (a tiny fella) strode out to bat, the game seemed pretty much wrapped up. The little fella playing very well for his age, despite being surrounded by a wall of Salix fielders, all licking their lips, in anticipation of a mistimed shot.

SJ returned for his second spell, to tempt the youngster into an edge, which flew straight to Delilah, who was stood at gully. Two wickets on his debut, which could have been three, if Geoff had not put down a chance. A chance that I must admit – Geoff usually takes. SJ throwing his hands into the air and wailing, as the ball was put down. Unfortunate, but a difficult chance, as Geoff was on the run, having been positioned at square leg.

Shyam then returned for his second spell and took onboard some very smart and wise advice from the skipper Rohit, who suggested that he bowl around the wicket (as a Left arm spinner). The advice provided immediate results, as Shyam found his line, with the ball coming out much nicer than when he had previously bowled over the wicket. His pace and spin far too quick and threatening for the low order batsman, resulting in another two scalps, both clean bowled, in his 5th over and leading to a maiden in his 6th and final over, which also happened to be the 35th and final over of the entire game. The score 185 for 9. A comfortable victory for Salix, which brought a satisfying end to our two-game losing streak.

Great batting from Siya with a classy century, showing us all that age is simply a number. Apt support from Geoff with a solid knock and a lesson in how to score a brutal yet beautiful half century from The Professor. Great bowling from our debutants SJ and Ravi, from Shyam and the experienced Mikey. Nonchalant catching from the likes of Teenwolf, Deepak, Geoff & CK. SJ deserves a mention for showing plenty of energy in the field; thereby living up to his alternative nickname of Jonty. Rohit deserves applause for his usual calming and efficient keeping from behind the stumps, which cannot be easy when having to additionally juggle the weight of captaincy; a test that he passed with flying colours, giving us insight into what may lie ahead in the future for Salix CC. Finally, a mention to Mrs Teenwolf, for purchasing some very appropriate socks for our Teenwolf (Please see above image).

As the Salix CC transfer window remains permanently open throughout the year; Saiborg never passes by an opportunity to tap up or recruit a player. Details were exchanged. Watch this space.

Despite our victory, you may be glad to hear that this may well be the last time, that Salix ever grace a £70 council pitch. Next week, the Whalers await us. The pitch – our usual home ground of Barnes Elms. With the opportunity of a second stab at the enemy, can Salix CC finally put an end, to our losing streak against the Whalers – a team we have not beaten since 2015! That’s ten years of consecutive losses against the Whalers! Only time will tell.

Much Love

Saiborg