OPPOSITION and VENUE: Gents of West London at Chiswick

DATE:  19 June 2022 (Season: 2022)

  • Result: Loss
  • Game Type: 35 Overs Game
  • Gents of West London: 200 for 5 wickets (35 overs)
  • Salix 46 all out (21.1 overs)
  • (Salix Batted Second)

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Report by: Three-Eyed Raven

Twas a lovely day (to lose a game of cricket…)

A Salix of Shellackings

What is the collective name for consecutive shellackings? Is it a Salix? When reading last week’s match report did the team, on reading the first sentence, detect a note of disappointment in Elvis’s tone, and collectively think “OK, we didn’t quite deliver a proper shellacking, we’ll get it right next time.”

For reference, this is what Elvis wrote:

“Writing the match report after an absolute shellacking is fairly straightforward: usually we’ve been bowled out for c. 50, I take the mickey out of the top order batsman, gloss quickly over my own hoiky heave and miss contribution to the state of affairs and then finish by thanking the oppo for handing out such a damned good thrashing.”

So how did we do this time against Elvis’s benchmark:

  • Bowled out for around 50…  Check
  • Take the mickey out of the top order… Check (batters 2 through 5 collectively added 3 runs so this shouldn’t be difficult)
  • I am no Elvis, so I comfortably  managed to miss the ball without bothering to either hoik or trouble the scorers… Check
  • Thank the oppo for handing out a damned good thrashing… Check

And we were polite enough to bat second, so at least the oppo had a hit.

So what actually happened, as if I really need to tell you. Late on Saturday night there was concern over the weather, it was raining heavily, and the consequent state of the pitch. The forecast wasn’t great either. As things turned out the weather was fine. Indeed it was sunny for much of the game. Moreover, we thought we’d been quite clever in winning the toss and inserting the Gents on what was likely to be quite a spicy pitch. It was. The outfield was quite lively as well.

It has to be said that our bowling was a little unlucky. Teenwolf opened the bowling and produced a fiery spell with much lively bounce bowling better and better the longer he bowled, but only got one wicket for his efforts. Tuffers was even more unlucky generating prodigious bounce and turn, several of his deliveries turning so much that they were taken at first slip. Meanwhile the oppo scored at a steady pace throughout their innings, and never really stumbled, even when the skipper took two wickets in two balls. Moreover, some clever bowling at the end by CK stopped the Gents accelerating at the death. Nevertheless, 200 felt more than a little above par.

One point of note, with his wicket CK became the joint all-time Salix leading wicket taker. He is now indisputably the Salix GOAT. The Nurdler is getting his apron ready.

Also, special mention should go to Ed for a sensational display of keeping, saving countless byes with his takes down the legside, a great legside catch and calmly taking a huge skier somewhere in the vicinity of square leg (that the Saiborg claims he would’ve have easily taken).

So given the challenging target, the question was what kind of resistance would we put up? Well you know the answer to that question, but how did it happen. For the first three overs everything was quiet on the runs and wickets front, a few balls took off, but no major alarms. And then the oppo took the highly controversial strategy of aiming at the stumps. We had been found out. Daveski attempted to play on to one delivery, but succeeded only in hitting it into his feet. However, the very next ball he successfully clipped the ball straight into middle stump. Out came the skipper, who had arrived with several bats both old and new. He selected his old one, it might have been the wrong choice. 2 for 2. At this point CK decided that at some point a ball would have his name on it and started to hit out at every ball, flashing a couple over the slips, eventually making a team high score of 17. With the stumps being rattled on a regular basis we were soon 30 for 7, and our chief concern was whether or not we would surpass our record low score of 40. Fortunately Afzar and the RLM brought some (brief) stability to proceedings and this goal at least was achieved. Indeed we even made it past drinks before the end came.

I should also mention that we are delighted to hear that the Gent’s opening bowler, who started all the destruction taking the first 3 wickets, is fit and well after being hit very hard by the ball, when following through, by one of the few deliveries we middled all day.
Thanks again to the Gents for being such enjoyable opposition, and we hope to give you a better game in September.

Raven, Three-Eyed