Match Data vs Jordans Taverners on 2023-09-03 at Coleshill (Season 2023)

  • Result: LOST
  • Game Type: 35 Overs Game
  • Salix: 128 all out (34.5 overs )
  • Jordans Taverners: 129 for 4 (23.1 overs)
  • (Salix Batted First)
  • View Match scorecard in a new tab

No joy for the Jolly Cricketers of Salix



Report by Ollie

Once again, the mighty warriors of Salix journeyed to Coleshill for our annual fixture with the Jordans Taveners. I’ve said it before on these pages, but it really is a lovely ground and the opposition are true gentlemen. I look forward to going every year. I clearly wasn’t the only one as The Chairman turned up to support and even made Arsey and I cups of tea.

We won the toss and skipper TFC decided we’d have a bat. On the boundary I, as No 11, was presented with an iPad, linked to a cricketing app, into which I was to input the scores. No more paper and pens; this was cricket in the digital age.

“Hello” said the iPad “which team are you?”

“Salix CC”

“Registering” it replied.

CK1 and Ali (he really needs a nickname) went in to open. Things however were tricky. The wicket held variable bounce and our oppo bowled really well.

“The bounce here is unpredictable” the iPad volunteered.

“We know”

“So, you should get to the pitch of the ball. Don’t play off the back foot” it suggested.

“We know”

Turns out; we didn’t. Six of the Salix batters fell in remarkably similar fashion, playing back to full balls which moved and rearranged their timbers.

“Told you so” said a smug-sounding iPad.

The boys tried everything to get some runs. The upper order played slow and accumulated solidly. Krutik in particular facing 69 balls for his 20 runs (“that’s not glacial”, observed some wit at the boundary, “that’s tectonic”). Meanwhile the middle order tried to inject some pace. Arsey and Rory both scored rapidly, on a pitch which offered nothing along the ground. All was to no avail. Whilst it wasn’t a collapse, we just… didn’t score many runs.

With 7 back in the hutch we had less than 90 runs and really needed the tail to wag a bit. Simon, making a very welcome return to the side, added a few and then Elvis went in to have a whack.

“Why does he always play the same shot?” asked the iPad.

“He just likes that one”.

In the end we were 128 all out with 5 overs unfaced. Irwin was left not-out, despite my best attempts to run him out (“call louder please” was all he’d asked).

“Would you like me to recommend some local landmarks to visit in your free time this afternoon?” mocked the iPad.

Even the delightful tea couldn’t lift our moods much, but skipper TFC is nothing if not an optimist. All we needed to do was bowl and field well and, on this minefield, the day could still be ours, he said.

Unfortunately, whilst we’d been making heavy play with the monster munch, someone from the Halo Trust had been out to the middle and removed most of the mines*. However, Syed did what Syed does best and bowled like a demon. He had an early wicket and, for a moment, we allowed ourselves to dream. We still needed 9 more though, so we’d need the rub of the green. It was not to be. Simon, TFC and CK1 all bowled very well, and the ground fielding was (mostly) good, but we couldn’t make a breakthrough.

In desperation the skip turned to Arsey.

“Pitch it up!” the iPad bellowed from the side-line.

He didn’t. It wasn’t pretty (much like the bowler himself).

In the end Ellis was bought in to restore order.

“Why is he pretending to be a windmill?” the iPad asked.

But our electronic friend was wrong to mock. Elvis bowled wonderfully, putting down skiddy balls to make the most of the variable bounce. He, deservedly, took a brace and CK1 got a scalp of his own with his second spell. But it was too late to change the outcome…

Looking back, we did have chances. Ali made a great effort to reach a high one and was unlucky not to be able to cling on. A couple of LBW shouts went against us. A stumping was missed. But really; we were outplayed. As we left the oppo had suggested we came back twice next year. Somewhere the iPad blinked into life.

“I can’t let you do that” was all it said.


*I’ve stolen this gag from someone but can’t remember who