Profile: The Clarkster

The Clarkster was originally known for his bowling, but has mutated (if that's the right word) in a pretty decent batsman too. So lets look at his original skill. 

In 29 bowling performances, the Clarkster shows himself to be well above average: mean (as those in the bar will testify), accurate (as his tax clients must hope) and pretty much average in terms of his strike rate (surprising, given his haircut)

As to batting, In 33 innings, the Clarkster has made 6 ducks. His average score is 17.1 runs, well above the teams average of 12.6. He has never been run out (clearly not batted much with Rodders then Ed) and hardly ever seems to be bowled. Skipping over the LBWs, some of which I know for a fact to be a bit dodgy as I gave them, his only weakness seems to be clogging it and getting caught, but his enormous staying power (fnarr fnarr) means that he often remains in when others are out. All in all one of the teams top performers .

Name	Neil "The Clarkster" Clark
Age	37 [Yet so boyish]
Nicknames	"Player of the Season 2000" will do fine
Hairstyle	Formerly mullet, latterly bullet
Previous Clubs	Mashie niblick, Stringfellows
Skills	Getting Lost, Boundless Enthusiasm
Biggest Influence	Trevor "Barnacle" Bailey
Most Memorable Moment On Field	"Butterfingers of the Year 1999"
Most Memorable Moment Off Field	The Malvern Thigh Incident - 1999
Person Most Admired	Whoever is captaining that day
Biggest fear in cricket	See immediately above
Career , if you had not have been a Cricketer	Diplomat, Laundramat, Door-mat
Favourite Ground	Glaxo is quite Wellcome
Favourite Food	Pet
Favourite Pet	Pethidine, Pettifoggery, Petulance
Favourite Clothing	Thydney Olympicth Clothing Theremony
Favourite Record	Jonathan Edwards’ Triple Jump World Record
Favourite Comment On Pitch	"The fundamental frequencies of the notes A-G, in accordance with the frequency A = 440 hertz, were internationally standardized and accepted in 1939."
Who would you most like to celebrate a 100 not out with, and why	By myself, at home, with a copy of Cricket Monthly.
Britney Spears, Billie Piper or Lassie. discuss	Billie Jo Spears
Anything you'd like to add	A pinch of salt , to taste.

 

Rodders writes:

On another subject - been looking at the pictures of people bowling and some striking similarities are evident: Neil's bowling is a dead ringer for Max Walker's face on action and Richard Cox is the spit of Jack Gleason - the Australian who in the sixties was at the heart of a chucking controversy. I will find picture so we can compare and contrast. Also just read in Wisden that someone was given an official warning by the umpire for "impersonating Bob Willis" and further failure (presumably to bowl "seriously") in the eyes of the umpire would result in no-balling. A new tactic for Salix in 2001 perhaps? You can feel fairly sure that Clarkster is going to love his comparison to Mr. Grecian 2000, Max Walker