A glimpse into the private lives of our boyz

In a short lived series many years ago we profiled a few players and had a few feedbacks'n'stuff.  Here they are (of historical value only, methinks)

We have had many people play for the team over the years. Some not so good and others just plain crap. This page is devoted to portraits of them

Fletch.  Our  starting Captain and still organiser. Good looking, debonair and a masterly stroke player, Fletch continues to entertain even in his later years.  Getting dumped by a girlfriend on his mobile phone during a game was just one of his many feats.  Lifetime average: not much

This is Charlie, our Captain during the golden years.  Although he used to sport a rather disgusting beard and make a lot of disparaging remarks, we actually used to win a lot under his Captaincy.  His trademark batting style - both legs together in front of the wicket will long be remembered.

Rodders: early starter and number one batsman, Mark was Captain during the lean years..  Given rather more to the intellectual side of the game (i.e. he thought rather too much rather than lashing out wildly like the rest of us) Mark nonetheless carried his bat many times (usually straight back to the pavilion..).  His trademark "arse out" batting style blotted the sun from the wicket on occasion

Irwin "the killer Zimbabwean", long, lean and rather mean and with no discernible skills Captained us in 1997.  Famed for calling a batsman a "wan***" from his crouching keeping position and then dodging the bat that whistled over his head, athletic Irwin was the right man, in the right job, but sadly with the wrong team.  Nonetheless he knocks up a belting tea 

Ben "Arms to the Masses" Shaw, our 2001 Captain brings a touch of Army discipline to the team.  We first met Ben when Fletch, who had ripped his trousers (fat arse etc) was buying a new pair (XXXL).  Ben had popped into the cricket shop to ask about local teams, so he was signed on the spot proving that we might not be talented ourselves but we can spot it when we see it.

Quiet, bespectacled Dominic was our next, and current, leader.  Spraining his ankle on the first match of the 1998 tour (but still winning the 9 pin bowling contest in the pub) he had a season dogged by injury and a totally abysmal performance, which put him at the head of the averages.   We asked Dominic to play with us in the mistaken belief that he was connected to the beer dynasty.  He is, but only through the medium of drinking the bloody stuff.   The team has done well under his Captaincy (*), but only when he was off on holiday and we got a passer by with a mangy old dog to run the team   :  (*) in 1999.  In 2000 we had our worst ever season.  but hey, so what

The Lockster is an original member of the team, but sadly we see to little of him these days what with fatherhood and living 100'so of miles away.  John "Legs" Lock has only ever bowled 3 Overs for the team, but they were killer Overs, if a touch expensive (a bit like his tax skills). 

As to batting, the Lockster  occasionally surprises.  His highest score for us is 24, but on the other hand he's rarely out for a duck.  As the stats show he is prone to being cleaned bowled, and maybe a touch suspicious in the run out department (maybe he played in many games with our champion, Mr Rodbert?).  In his long career, the Lockster has never retired!   But truly his finest moment came vs the Brutes of ""@## where one of their players hit a ball so high and so hard it first became snowcapped and then overheated on re-entry.  But the Lockster sauntered over, combed his hair, spread his legs and took it comfortably.  One of our greatest ever catches.

The Clarkster was originally known for his bowling, but has mutated (if that's the right word) in a pretty decent batsman too. So lets look at his original skill. 

In 29 bowling performances, the Clarkster shows himself to be well above average: mean (as those in the bar will testify), accurate (as his tax clients must hope) and pretty much average in terms of his strike rate (surprising, given his haircut)

As to batting, In 33 innings, the Clarkster has made 6 ducks. His average score is 17.1 runs, well above the teams average of 12.6. He has never been run out (clearly not batted much with Rodders then Ed) and hardly ever seems to be bowled. Skipping over the LBWs, some of which I know for a fact to be a bit dodgy as I gave them, his only weakness seems to be clogging it and getting caught, but his enormous staying power (fnarr fnarr) means that he often remains in when others are out. All in all one of the teams top performers .

Rodders writes:

On another subject - been looking at the pictures of people bowling and some striking similarities are evident: Neil's bowling is a dead ringer for Max Walker's face on action and Richard Cox is the spit of Jack Gleason - the Australian who in the sixties was at the heart of a chucking controversy. I will find picture so we can compare and contrast. Also just read in Wisden that someone was given an official warning by the umpire for "impersonating Bob Willis" and further failure (presumably to bowl "seriously") in the eyes of the umpire would result in no-balling. A new tactic for Salix in 2001 perhaps? You can feel fairly sure that Clarkster is going to love his comparison to Mr. Grecian 2000, Max Walker

Profile: Steve-O

Rodders  (At the time of writing..) Firstly Rodders gets, on average around 20% less runs than the average Joe.  He is less likely to be out LBW or bowled than average, but slightly more likely to get caught.  However, staggeringly, Rodders single handedly accounts for nearly 20% of all the run outs ever.  This means you probably don't want to be up the other end.  Speaking of which bowling (as ol'Donkey Drop hisself will admit) is not a Rodbert forte.  But that said he is (at the time of writing)  technically on a hat-trick having taken a wicket with his last ball of 2000

But bare stats do not tell all the story. Neither does the fact that he holds the "most golden ducks in a season record".  There's more to the man than the numbers.....