1. Cricket is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy (Stephen Fry)
2. FOOTBALL offers the world clichés; RUGBY produces facial deformity; HOCKEY provides an acceptable outlet for psychotic violence; CRICKET alone breeds myths... More quotes here.


You gotta laff: Seer Green 11 Sept 2005 (Season: 2005)
Report by: Elvis

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VC Elvis collects worthless babule from ExC Ben
The match against Chalfont Taverners is one of my favourites in the fixture list and not just because until last year it was the final game of the season; they're a good bunch of blokes and we always get a splendid meal down the White Hart afterwards.  We also usually win, with 3 wins out of 3 close games in the previous few years.  Alas, not this time; a Salix Benny Hill impression conspired to deny us victory when it looked as though it was ours for the taking and Chalfont pulled off a win which their team effort deserved.

More on the Benny Hill moment later.  The afternoon began with a few awards being doled out to yours truly and the German due to our absence from last week's Captain's Day.  I picked up an award for being, well, me and the German picked up several awards for being slightly too talented for the level of cricket we generally play at Salix.  His prizes included one for passing 1,000 runs, one for passing himself off as the best player in the club for the 3rd year running and one for passing wind (aka the Captain's Trophy).  All this and he also makes a fine Manhattan, although he could stand to clear up after himself in the kitchen a little more often. (Eds note Elvis and the German enjoy an alternative lifestyle)

The day also saw the return of Podge, playing his first competitive game for Salix since the same fixture 2 years ago where he just failed to make a century.  The years seem to have been relatively kind, although the dodgy haircut and what looked like camouflaged capri pants suggest that maybe he's enjoying Sydney's alternative lifestyle more than he's admitting, possibly even to himself.

But enough of this and on with the cricket.  Ben put us into field, opening with Wazza and Rog who both bowled well in the conditions, the latter in particular getting some bounce out of a pitch that didn't look as though it would do anything save offer up vast quantities of runs.  Unfortunately, the dismissal of their openers only served to bring in their captain who avoided the vagaries of a wet outfield by simply smashing the ball repeatedly for 6.  Although he received stoic support from the rest of his team, we eventually began to wear them down; I bagged a couple, Rog and Wazza took a couple more on their return and the Bison bowled a good enough line and length to frustrate their skipper into finally giving away his wicket.  With Chalfont having only 10 men, we had them all out for 145 and there was hope that our relatively strong batting line-up would see us through.

We came close, although that was mostly down to a fine innings from the German and a spawny one from yours truly.  Whatever, we were 6 short with no wickets left when this happened...

Wazza: (turns to run second)
Wazza: Yes
Nurdler: (turns to run second)
Nurdler: No
Wazza:  Errr (looks like Beavis from Beavis and Butthead)
Nurdler:  Errr (looks like Butthead from Beavis and Butthead)
(stage left: fielder throws in ball to wicket keeper who runs out Nurdler, match over, cue much wailing and gnashing of teeth on boundary)

A sad end to Capn Ben's fine reign; we may not always have won, but he's ensured that everyone's always had a game and that we've always played in its true spirit.

And so to the pub, where yet again we were fed well, this time with beef and mushroom casserole and a couple of jugs of frothing lager.  Man of the match to me because I'm writing the match report and I feel slightly unnerved by the vast amounts of silverware accummulating in my flatmate's (untidy) bedroom.  Thanks to Chalfont, always great hosts and always a good game.

PS from the Wazzaman

That is a very harsh view of events. What I re-call was;
Wazza: call the run looking for two
Wazza: turns to run second and realises that is not on (tatooed fielder has ball at his feet) and therefore calls no
Nurdler: turns to run second, hears the call, tries to stop, and is unable get back in time & the rest is history

PPS From Elvis

Artistic interpretation; I feel that what I wrote accurately reflects how those on the sideline perceived events to have occurred even if they
didn't actually occur in that particular manner.

P3S from the Direktor

As may be seen the concept of truth is moveable feast within the team: the acutalite verite remains with he who has the admin rights to site of course, but as an unamed watcher said "Boy, they fuc*ed that one up good and proper"

Salix CC versus Jordans Taverners (Seer Green) at Seer Green on 11-09-2005(35 Over Game)
Salix CC (batting second)139all outoff29overs Match Lost
Jordans Taverners (Seer Green)145for 9off32.2overs
NoPlayerScoreHow Out
1.Tony Fletcher7Caught
2.Paul Rogers14Bowled
3.Mark Dyson4Bowled
4.Andy Rayner44LBW
5.Ben Shaw4Caught
6.Adam Shadbolt1Bowled
7.Charlie Hewitt1Bowled
8.Mike Ellis33Bowled
9.Warrick Cumming11Not Out
10.Roger Heaton6Caught
11.Dominic Spillane0Run Out
1.Warrick Cumming6123211.5018.003.83
2.Roger Heaton712739.0014.003.86
3.Mike Ellis7226213.0021.003.71
4.Charlie Hewitt70320--4.57
5.Mark Dyson5.2029214.5016.005.44
Warrick Cumming1drop
Charlie Hewitt1drop
Ben Shaw1drop

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