1. Cricket is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy (Stephen Fry)
2. FOOTBALL offers the world clichés; RUGBY produces facial deformity; HOCKEY provides an acceptable outlet for psychotic violence; CRICKET alone breeds myths... More quotes here.


Revenge is Sweet: Phene June 22 2003 (Season: 2003)
Report by: Our very own Ginger spinner, Mr E

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It's been suggested by certain parties that I use this forum to revenge myself upon Master Rogers for his unprovoked attack against my good self in last week's column; such petty banter is obviously beneath me, although his assertion that I am ginger only serves to reinforce a previous suspicion, based on his fashion sense and "Love Muscle" hairstyle last season, that he is optically challenged.

Furthermore, slating Paul is made all the more difficult for his providing the one highlight of our time in the field against Phene, taking a gem of a one handed catch off Andy Rayner's bowling (Ed: Twas Andy). Or it might have been Tony's. I can't remember. Tony took a good catch as well, diving gracefully as a sumo wrestler across the wicket to snatch one out of the air from his own bowling. Someone was heard to sing, "I ain't ever seen an elephant fly." Oh yeah, that was me. (Ed: I heard "who called for the heavy roller")

But I'm getting ahead of myself; that's not how the story starts. For once we batted first. Paul Mason opened and continued his rich vein of recent form by being clean bowled in the third over. Tinker hit a hatful of fours and then Andy Rayner came to the crease and hit a rather spectacular 78, ably assisted for most of his innings by Dominic. Andy's performance was all the more impressive for his having completed his first triathlon that morning. Not bad for a northern monkey. See what they can do if you train them right? It's just a question of the right mixture of discipline and reward. Anyway, in all we ran up 168, which might have been defendable if we'd had good bowling and they'd had crap batting.

Elephants flying but no pigs and although Steve Jacobs was his usual reliable self, I got tonked around the ground and then Paul Rogers got tonked around the ground after me. Paul improved, but by this stage, Tony was being tonked instead, admittedly picking up a couple of wickets along the way.

A dropped catch here and there didn't help and by the time Paul Mason and Andy Rayner conspired to steady things, it was the usual case of too little too late. Man of the Match, Master Rayner, no question. Buffoon of the match, there's a few more contenders, but I think Capn Swindells for hitting the world's widest wide straight through the air into the welcoming arms of leg slip. (Ed: calling the Captain a buffoon is a typical Salix way to go up the order and continue as an opening bowler, me I worship the very wicket Sir Swindells walks on which is no doubt why I bat 10 and come on 3rd change)

Letters the Editor regarding last weeks match report:

Editor :Your correspondent seems to have left out the quote of the day...

"What?...he can't come back yet I haven't got the lens cap off!'"

Granny Salix overhears Mel confused when trying to take photo of hubby Captain Paul at the crease.


Salix CC versus Phene at Glaxo on 22-06-2003(40 Over Game)
Salix CC (batting first)168all outoff39.2overs Match Lost
Phene169for 4off23.4overs
NoPlayerScoreHow Out
1.Dominic Spillane28Run Out
2.Paul Mason2Bowled
3.Paul Rogers7Caught
4.Matt Swindells0Caught
5.Graham Nannery19Bowled
6.Andy Rayner78Bowled
7.Tim Collins1Caught
8.Ollie Carter3Bowled
9.Mike Ellis8Caught
10.Tony Fletcher1Caught
11.Steve Jacobs1Not Out
1.Steve Jacobs4280--2.00
2.Mike Ellis50540--10.80
3.Paul Rogers50330--6.60
4.Tony Fletcher4033216.5012.008.25
5.Paul Mason3014114.0018.004.67
6.Andy Rayner2.4016116.0016.006.00
Paul Rogers2catches
Tony Fletcher1catch
Ollie Carter1drop
Graham Nannery1drop
Dominic Spillane1drop

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