1. Cricket is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy (Stephen Fry)
2. FOOTBALL offers the world clichés; RUGBY produces facial deformity; HOCKEY provides an acceptable outlet for psychotic violence; CRICKET alone breeds myths... More quotes here.


Rained off!: vs Balham Roamers 30 Jul 2012 (Season: 2012)
Report by: The K Man

Match Report: Click here to add your own comment  |  See all comments

Wet. Damp and Fairly sodden
Given the sheer lack of sporting prowess demonstrated by Team GB in the first 48 hours of the Olympics, Salix seemed intent on picking up where they'd left off. The spectacle of rain-ridden stumps and a seemingly resigned captain sliding on a damp outfield made mine the most underwhelming return to cricket since England wheeled John Emburey back into the side as a 'secret weapon' against Australia in 1993.

Still, we mustn't dwell on the negatives. This was, after all, one of Salix's most star-studded line-ups. It included senior soldiers such Steve-O and Fletch. Padders, the silent assassin whose ability not to succumb to drama and histrionics does more for the team than the scorebook ever suggests. CK1 who continues to play each match as if it's his last; while CGC perpetually looks as though he wishes it was his last instead. Here I'd like to make some ham-fisted comparison of the Paytons to Australia's Waugh twins but I had not met them before Sunday and am unsure if they're even related. (On the point of lookalikes though, does anyone agree that, if you half close your eyes, CGC and Eric look like slightly similar? No? Moving on then...)

This match was a gritty, stop-start affair - cocked up largely by the schizophrenic weather. But there were some highlights. Firstly the opening partnership of CK1 and Steve-O which instigated more pressure than you'll find inside the Bank of England when its Monetary Policy Committee meets on Thursday. CK1 deserves special mention. His bowling was peppery, awkward and largely unplayable. It even prompted the cry from behind the stumps of 'Good Wheels!' - a turn of phrase I am still trying to decode. Credit to you CK1. Any girl that tells you you're half the man you were before the snowboarding injury clearly needs to see your performances on the cricket field instead. Thrilling.

The other mention is YM. Few have been spared of his self-deprecating tirade in recent years comprising the tedious lines "I'm yesterday's man" and "my seasons are running out" as he lights the 17th Marlboro Light of the day and tells you how good you'd be if you just took his advice. But sometimes you need experience. The slip catch that saw him run around the keeper off a lightning bolt from Steve-O was poetic. Later the diving catch off short mid-off from one of Padders quicker spells was a joy. If Salix did highlights packages...

With no Elvis and my last ball for Salix bowled in summer of 2009; no one was sure what the spin options were. Indeed last presiding memory of Swordsman causing any damage was via the deadly concoction of a collapsing Amaretto cocktail he made in Luxemburg three years ago. But that's history now. His measured bowling held up an end. Restricting the opposition to 150 off 30 overs says a lot of the team. It was just a shame that the weather prevented us finding out just how good that score was.

The last mentions should go to the young tykes. I haven't seen Payts the Elder, but his assured presence behind the timbers showed a mature stability. Ditto C-Wrench whose leopard-like presence in the outfield had shades of GC 2008. In moments of boredom on the field, my mind often drifts towards the smell of a burning bat; the Mighty Wanderers chant and the hazy Glaxo days when a proper summer would start in May and finish in September. But with chaps like these and the CGC showing the same grit in scrabbling teams together as he does bowling off his short run up, I feel assured that the future of Salix is in safe hands.

-ends- Eds note: Cheers to the Roamers, nice guys all, excellent tea and solid fortitude in the face of the hideous weather.

Salix CC versus Balham Roamers at Roehampton Playing Fields on 30-07-2012(30 Over Game)
Salix CC (batting second)0for 0off0overs Match Abandoned
Balham Roamers150for 6off30overs
NoPlayerScoreHow Out
1.Dave Henig0Did Not Bat
2.David Padmore0Did Not Bat
3.Matt Payton0Did Not Bat
4.Tim Payton0Did Not Bat
5.Christy Kulasingam0Did Not Bat
6.Stuart Lumsden0Did Not Bat
7.Tony Fletcher0Did Not Bat
8.Kunal Dutta0Did Not Bat
9.Andy Foster0Did Not Bat
10.Eric Ferguson0Did Not Bat
11.Steve Jacobs0Did Not Bat
1.Steve Jacobs7130215.0021.004.29
2.Christy Kulasingam72210--3.00
3.Stuart Lumsden40250--6.25
4.David Padmore611427.0018.002.33
5.Dave Henig20200--10.00
6.Kunal Dutta20150--7.50
7.Andy Foster2019119.0012.009.50
Tony Fletcher2catches
Andy Foster1catch

Comments, if any, are shown below: Click here to add your own comment

The Swordsman left the following remarks on 3rd August 2012

Eventually....Recognition for not only my finely pitched bowling expertise (admittedly occasional) but also my hands of Velcro. However I think afore mentioned ommissions get bigger as no recognition is given to Yesterdays Mans journey to the ground to carry out his Jonty-like catching prowess. Cycling a 5.7 mile journey with some of it on the actual olympic road race route, our very own Bradley Wiggins suffered intense rain, thunderstorm, a puncture and a tyre pump malfunction. Then to arrive on time and take a catch in the very first over I think at least deserves an addendum with underscore. Good to see you back Kunal!!

Your moonlighting correspondent left the following remarks on 2nd August 2012

That was it. I knew there was one other point of note. See I had no bowling figures; so was writing largely from memory … vacuously expending air time rather like Trevor Nelson’s “commentary” during the Olympic opening ceremony. Nice one Swords!

Steve-O left the following remarks on 1st August 2012

I can't believe the K-Man can manage a beautifully crafted 616 word report on half a game and still not mention that Swords dismissed the oppo's main man with a brilliant caught and bowled; a catch which extinguished forever the memory of the dolly he dropped on the very same ground just 4 weeks before. The delivery was drilled back over his head and was travelling at an astonishing speed; Swords leapt, he clasped, he held on... a great moment in an altogether forgettable day spoiled once again by this miserable summer.