1. Cricket is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy (Stephen Fry)
2. FOOTBALL offers the world clichés; RUGBY produces facial deformity; HOCKEY provides an acceptable outlet for psychotic violence; CRICKET alone breeds myths... More quotes here.


Nelson loves a 69: vs Rotten Livers 15 May 2016 (Season: 2016)
Report by: The Rusty Barron

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An elderly man hunts for more pork pie
The second weekend of May saw bright sunshine and, for those who had answered the Captain's call for pre-match training, the loveliest outdoor nets ever seen. The confusion as to why so few of the team has arrived, the absence of an opposition, and what such a scruffy team was doing in such a lovely ground was answered, when phone calls made it clear that we had wandered to the wrong ground. A short walk later and we were confronted with a deep outfield and an infield which bore extensive evidence of the recent presence of geese. This was much more at home...

The Captain won a good toss and in went Dozy and Padders to bat. On a pitch with variable bounce (most of it low), batsmen struggled, although singles (defiantly not byes) kept the scoreboard ticking over. When Dozy fell to a Yorker (a delivery one would have thought he was well designed to face) and Padders fell on his sword, the CK and Nelson partnership came to the crease and the rescue. After adjusting to the conditions the runs started to flow, as the two heroes put on over 100 runs between them. CK perished to a good catch and Nelson, having reached his favourite number for the second successive match, was out.

Manav (nickname TBC) was next in, and shortly thereafter back on the side ("Cricket is a cruel game" as Yesterday's Man observed), but the team was not downhearted and first Teenwolf, then GC, took to the sky with a firework display that pushed the score past-par in a few quick overs. When Teenwolf was trapped on the crease by another unusual bounce, Puff Daddy then Smutty did what they could with the last few overs to leave the score a healthy 207.

With all refreshed with some sandwiches and juice (the composition of which was a matter of some debate) the Rotten Livers were clapped onto the pitch and the chase began. Teenwolf and Puff Daddy started with a master class in economic bowling and the pressure soon told, with wickets tumbling. A mention also to the jack-in-a-box behind the wicket, who would use any part of his body to stop the ball going past, no easy trick on a pitch where seemingly similar balls could come through anywhere from your ankle to your forehead. Catching was likewise impressive, with Nelson taking two beauties (it's what he does), CK leading by example and Manav neatly collecting the cherry as it flew off the bat. Even those accorded drops did well to get themselves in position at all (the Nurdler salmon a hitherto unknown species).

Finally the flow of wickets stopped and relief bowlers Padders and Manav had to contend with a RL fight back, but they were soon back in control, and whilst the middle order batsmen looked settled their scoring slowed. In the end clever bowling from Padders slip to duo and GC had fun with the tail.

As the shadows lengthened and it became apparent the game was well in hand (56 needed from the final over) CK turned to unorthodox bowling choices, combining the Nurdler with Nelson. It all worked out in the end and a comfortable victory was assured. Wading through the goose droppings our heroes trudged to the pub, and a well deserved negroni.

Ed In a new feature we also record that VCGC dropped his off Manav and Nurdler dropped his one off Padders

Salix CC versus Rotten Livers at Barne Elms on 15-05-2016(35 Over Game)
Salix CC (batting first)207for 7off35overs Match Won
Rotten Livers134for 8off35overs
NoPlayerScoreHow Out
1.Chris Lamont4Caught
2.David Padmore9Caught
3.Christy Kulasingam38Bowled
4.Sivaarun Thangarajah69Caught
5.Manav Bakshi0LBW
6.Andy Spurr20LBW
7.Stuart Lumsden20Not Out
8.Fevin Mascarenhas10Bowled
9.Tim Collins1Not Out
10.Oliver Ferrari0Did Not Bat
11.Dominic Spillane0Did Not Bat
1.Fevin Mascarenhas712739.0014.003.86
2.Andy Spurr42616.0024.001.50
3.Manav Bakshi7023123.0042.003.29
4.David Padmore7229214.5021.004.14
5.Stuart Lumsden5113113.0030.002.60
6.Dominic Spillane10110--11.00
7.Christy Kulasingam20130--6.50
8.Sivaarun Thangarajah2070--3.50
Sivaarun Thangarajah2catches
Manav Bakshi1catch
Christy Kulasingam1catch
Stuart Lumsden1drop
Dominic Spillane1drop

Comments, if any, are shown below: Click here to add your own comment

Andy left the following remarks on 16th May 2016

My last over went for 5, so I must have bowled 2 maidens... (Ed: the book says different, but you're an honest kind of guy so I fixed it for you)