1. Cricket is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy (Stephen Fry)
2. FOOTBALL offers the world clichés; RUGBY produces facial deformity; HOCKEY provides an acceptable outlet for psychotic violence; CRICKET alone breeds myths... More quotes here.


Commencing a new series of style parodies ....: Welwyn  4 June 2000 (Season: 2000)
Report by: Fletch the Prophet

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From the Old Testament book of the Clarkster.

  1. And the vengeance of the Captain is mighty upon him who hath forgotten his map and doesn't turn up at the ground so we had only got ten men. And the Clarkster was verily ashamed.
  2. But the Captain hath a mote of dust in his own eye too, turning up 20 minutes late as the Mustafa of North London hath had to stand in for him and the Sal-ixites were verily into bat first
  3. And the opening bowling was of the highest standard and Welwynites bowled verily long and not at all wide and well on the wicket. And the Salix-ites we sore afraid. But stood their ground. And the odd run was made.
  4. And the Henig was trying out as number one. And he maketh not a bad fist of it. And the Rogers cometh in at three and giveth everyone a dodgy moment by nicking his first through the slips and it looking like he could have been on his third golden duck in row
  5. But he recoverth and slain the ball mightily for a decent 44
  6. And then followeth the usual dismal procession of catches and LBWs and the like, livened only by the Captain who hit a decent 22 and it was to the pavilion for tea
  7. And the tea was mighty and fine with cakes and jam and fish sandwiches but no wine
  8. And the sun lowered slightly over the horizon and it came on a bit dismal but not too bad and the Bush and the Jacobs thundered in with the wrath of the righteous
  9. But the Welwynite openers were good and they held their ground and things looked a bit dicky until their number 2 popped a fast one from the Jacobs up giving the wikkie an easy catch
  10. And the Bush thundered and the Henig bowled mighty slow and the Rogers even came on for a few. And our oft time saviour, the Mustafa of North London had a bit if trouble with his boot and could not walk, yea even on the water let alone the pitch and only bowled a couple afore limping off
  11. And the Salixites strove mightily and got a couple more verily even an excellent catch by the Winter and a leg before from the Henig who fooled the batsman with a slow one
  12. But they stived in vain (or was that stroved?). And the Welwynites whacked the last few around and they strode like Colossii towards the pavilion as the winners
  13. But its only a game.
Here endeth the report of the day.
Salix CC versus Welwyn Village at Welwyn on 04-06-2000(40 Over Game)
Salix CC (batting first)108for 9off37.1overs Match Lost
Welwyn Village112for 4off26overs
NoPlayerScoreHow Out
1.Dave Henig15Bowled
2.Richard Winter2Bowled
3.Paul Rogers44Bowled
4.Simon Mustafa3Caught
5.Fred Maroudas7LBW
6.Dominic Spillane8LBW
7.Dominic Guinness20Caught
8.Andy Bush4Caught
9.Tony Fletcher1Caught
10.Steve Jacobs0Not Out
1.Andy Bush92350--3.89
2.Steve Jacobs8228214.0024.003.50
3.Simon Mustafa30170--5.67
4.Dave Henig3013113.0018.004.33
5.Paul Rogers3014114.0018.004.67
Tony Fletcher1catch
Richard Winter1catch

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